nothing to be ashamed about
by horormones
Summary: "Next time," Tony says, "I will get the dick on that pretty face of yours, Rogers."


**This is set during the shawarma scene. It was supposed to be funny, but that's not how it ended up. *I changed where they were sitting some, I think, but otherwise, everything should be the same. Sorry if end is fast, wanted to get this done today.**

The place they were eating at he'd spotted when nearly getting burnt to bits by an alien. Not exactly the bst first impression of a fast food place, but the food was good, even if the inside wasn't very easy on the eyes.

Tony was tired - the battle he'd just fought in had really kicked his ass. Well, okay, he wasn't _tired_, per se, but he was weary and sore and wouldn't say no to a bed right about then. He could guess that the rest of the Avengers - and no, they weren't his teammates, because he was a solo act in battle, with the exception of Rhodey and _only_ Rhodey, plus, he wasn't totally sure he liked/trusted them enough to make things permanent - were somewhere in that zone, too.

Hawkeye - Clint? That's his name, right? No one exactly told him, and SHIELD's files on him were oddly minimal - wasn't even eating, just staring off into the distance. Natasha - wait, Natalie? Or Natashalie? _Nosferatu_ seems more accurate - was staring at Hawkeye, eating slowly. Bruce didn't think the food was that bad, if the way he was eating almost happily was any indication. Thor seemed to enjoy the meaty food, too, because he was eating heartily. Thor also happened to be on his fifth serving and was practically inhaling everything, but, you know, semantics.

Cap was... _sleeping_? He'd had three of the shawarma's, so he didn't need to be woken up to fill back up and recharge.

Hmm. Well. This unexpected turn of events was opening a lot of doors.

Tony _could_ let the guy be, _or_ he could talk bad about him, right under the guy's nose. Why not? Cap would none the wiser if he did. Tony could also act panicked, like there was a crisis or something, or scream until he woke up. He could say it was all just a prank, too, when Cap inevitably got mad. However, he just so happened to have a Sharpie hidden on his person. He definitely didn't always have it with him.

So, a dick was going to be on the face of Captain America and would eternally live on through the internet.

Tony slowly got up from his chair - dear old dad had said the man was aware of everything, even when unconscious, which Tony didn't believe, but wasn't going to take any chances with, considering the man's track record in the war - and made his way to Cap around the table. Hawkeye's eyes had snapped to him the second he was out of his chair - so had Norris'. The cap of the Sharpie came off with a clicking noise.

Oh, Tony was never going to be as happy as he was now. Messing with the guy who took his dad away from him, however inadvertently was going to be awesome.

The permanent marker made a slow descent, and he could tell he was being watched. If he could guess, he'd say that Thor was confused, Bruce wasn't happy and Wonder Twins didn't seem to care, but really did.

Just as soon as the first, tiny little mark from the tip of the Sharpie appeared on Tony's skin, his head was on the table, arm pulled back to a painful angle by rough hands. _Oh, shit_, he thinks. _I'm going to die the day I saved the world._

The fleeting thought that Cap, an honest to god war hero, coud be stuck in his dreams and therefore deem him a threat to his nation, hit Tony hard. He was held in that position for a minute, at least, and something about the way he was situated was cutting something important off. He could barely breathe, and this plus the whole space-excursion he went on, equalled bad news.

The second it happened, though, Nigel, Clint, Bruce and Thor had all jumped up out of their seats. Guns were aimed at the Cap's head, and he groaned at how unbelievable this whole thing was. A Russian and a Master Archer were pointing guns at Captain America's head, because he was holding down Tony Stark, while the Hulk and Thor, God of thunder watched, and this all happened on the day they, together, saved the world from a wannabe alien invasion. Pepper would laugh in his face, if she didn't know about it.

(How could she not, though? It had to be all over the news, a freakin' alien invasion warded off by some heroes, some murderers, a god and a public menace that had the same reception as Godzilla. Everyone had to have heard about it, in some way, even if it was just a small bit, and he wouldn't be surprised if he was heading off reporters for the rest of his life, and probably after, too.)

Slowly, his breath came back to him, and the hands on his arms, which showcased lots of calluses and scars, loosened their holds. The body behind him - Dad had always described it as the bumbling experiment of a crazy German and a pyro maniac - stepped away, and the guns found points somewhere between Cap's head and the floor.

He has the decency to look sheepish, but his face is hardened like Tony's often is.

"What the hell, man?" Clint says, but it looks like he's starting to get it too.

"Not Cap's cup of tea, someone trying to prank him," Tony jumps to explain, feeling silly for everything he'd done in the last 48 hours.

Natasha definetly gets it, and she turns to Clint, her gun down, and safety clicked back on. "Leave it," she says, and he does, dropping into his chair again.

Tony moans, and slumps into his seat, too. Thor looks mighty, confused and maybe a little unhappy, despite the recent victory. He doesn't ask, though, and Tony has to hand it to him.

Bruce wrings his hands, shoots both Cap and Tony a look, and returns to his plate. Cap's the only one who hasn't let it go.

"I'm-" He starts to say, but Tony shrugs, smirks and then makes a come hither hand movement. The other man comes forward slowly, looking apprehensive.

"Next time," Tony says like he is for sure there will be a next time, like it's set in stone, "I will get the dick on that pretty face of yours, Rogers."


End file.
